It's Time... Part 2

Oh, the journey of life.

As trite as that begins, lessons of life sometimes are as well.  I left off some months ago at the beginning of a big transformation.  A good start on sobriety, a purge of my life and all belongings, and a readiness to cut my dreads; summarizes, only a tiny fraction of what this journey has offered so far.  

I did cut those dreads, and I did purge a lot of my belongings; both tangible and intangible. My past is visibly in the rear view; emphasis on the rear.  I have remained continuously sober for over 16 months and I have completely redecorated my apartment; and, the top of my head. 

I went from this...

To this....  [note the maniacal stare of pure unadulterated WTF IS HAPPENING]

Not so sure... I was trying to own it... but couldn't wrap my head around it... har.  

Ok ok... we can do this... 

to... PWNing it.  Finally.  

It was all pretty traumatic and stressful at first.  All change is.  In the midst of my transformation, I also discovered I have Fibromyalgia (FM).  

Fibromyalgia Wiki

There's nothing like getting sober so I can still feel like hot garbage.  The crazy thing is, FM has taught me how to take impeccably good care of myself.  Obviously that's a worthy endeavor anyway.  Between a clean diet, acupuncture, meditation, daily prayer, exercise and a new mattress - I feel about 90% great, but 150% spiritually awesome.  For the first time in my life, I am taking great care of myself, I love myself, and I have deep self-respect.  I am useful to other human beings, I am available to my friends and family and I know how to ask for help when I need it.  I have healthy boundaries and I feel confident, content and joyous in my own company. 

As Liz Lemmon would say, "What the what"?!?  Even with chronic fatigue, pain and alcoholism, I'm kind of killing it.  Not to gloat too much, but I do feel grateful for the struggles because they have taught me to thrive.  They have taught me to let go of toxic baggage and resentments that just drag you down.  Through building new friendships, facing the truth and getting honest with myself, I am finally a whole woman in my own right.  I have found a way to face adversity on life's terms.  Through service, prayer, and letting go - I am free to begin the next journey.  

As a way to physically document this journey, I've collected a few of these in the last year as well: 

My woman.  Higher Power.  Goddess of the Earth.  Right hand to Father Universe.  This was a spiritual experience while sitting under the gun for over 11 hours.  I was elevated, mindful, and drawing the energy of the earth up through my artist's hands.  We were symbiotic and connected and the work definitely came out as such. 

 https://www.instagram.com/jessicazedtattoo/

An expansion of a memorial piece for my two lost brothers.  Well, one is a brother in the form of a cousin, but they were brothers to each other and to all of us.  Two families, intertwined by sorrow.  Two apples, fallen from the tree as cited by the filled in circles on the trees.  Each of them, halos within their own right.  

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boys.  

When I was a child, a very young child, I had a scary dream where a large bird was flying over mountains and woke me when it flew in my face and squawked.  It never left me.  I am of Scandinavian descent, and in ancient Viking mythology; the god Oden had two daughters who could morph into ravens; Oden always had two ravens next to him.  In Greek mythology, the raven's "Craw" is spelled "Cras" which means "Future".  Ravens are also able to speak; thus thought to be prophetic future tellers.  *See Game of Thrones.  Last year, I went to Taos, NM.  Around there, Raven symbology is everywhere and so are the birds.  I had a prophetic experience myself with two huge ravens when I was walking my dog along a path on the Mesa.  A few weeks ago, I ventured back to the Southwest, this time to Tucson, AZ and decided it was time to claim my right to this symbol.   Ravens represent wisdom, prophecy and change.  They also eat dead things.  Out of death, rises life, and a new beginning.  *See the common Phoenix rising out of the ashes.  

As a single woman, I feel I cannot ignore the fact that this transformation has been largely about healing the wounds of relationships pasy.  There's a LOT of pain, abuse, and unrequited love back there, but it's ok now.  I love myself now. I'm beautiful, happy, excited for the future and whatever adventures may come.  I might be single, but I'm not alone or lonely.  I am living and loving life, continuing to build enduring life-long friendships with strong and beautiful women, honoring my family and it's many tricky bits with love and grace and last but not least, expecting nothing and yet thankful for everything. 

What the what?!?!