Soundtrack of a Lifetime

Music is such a crazy thing.  I recently downloaded my entire iTunes library to my phone.  A lot of that music I downloaded about 3 years ago; a time when my life changed dramatically.  Trolling through some of these songs that I haven't heard since then, has given me a sad sort of longing.

The year I turned 30 I became a new woman; not only within my body and soul, but within my spirit.  I had been mourning the death of my brother and the split of my parents simultaneously.  So, for the two years leading up to my 30th, you could say I experienced a pretty intense Saturn's Return.  Coming into that year I was introduced to a LOT of new music and I spent a lot of time building that library.  I started a new chapter with a group of friends that I suspect I will retain for a long time, but after the initial crazy good times, things have calmed down.  A lot.

I guess you could call this a rebuilding year.  It's good to reflect on the good times, the bad, and the lessons it all teaches us.  The past 5 years has shown me how death, divorce, friendship, relationships and heartbreak can embed itself into the music you play as the soundtrack.  Revisiting these soundtracks is like visiting a grave.  Those times, those feelings... are moments of the past and are essentially dead, yet living in the music.

It's hard not to live in the past.  But ultimately, you'll end up in your own grave if you don't pull yourself out.   It's hard not to feel like there are gaping holes going forward.  The truth is, there are.  People have come and gone, the party is over, and you're left feeling a little empty.  But these gaping holes present a purpose; an opportunity.  A lesson learned to fill your life with better, lasting people and experiences.